Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
