What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
