I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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