this beer tastes like vomit already
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
