I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
