of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
