I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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