so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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