He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
