Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
