I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm at about main and main street
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
