Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.Â
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
