I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
