I hate all girls vehemently.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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