By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
