sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
