At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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