I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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