she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Randomize
