He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
