Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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