Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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