I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
