I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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