We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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