and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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