So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
