Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
