i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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