i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
