Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Jerry, you need to find god
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
