I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
