I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
