I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize