I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
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