when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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