Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
