Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
