I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
