Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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