No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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