i may or may not be watching the land before time
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
