I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
