if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
