i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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