Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
