I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
