i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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