I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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