Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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