Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
