The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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